Vantage point.

Reading all of the comments on youtube for this video, I don't think it's appropriate for me to share how I feel, so I'm going to post this on the last place people care to look--my blog about being positive and enjoying life.

Well, I DO enjoy life. Every part of it. The ups and the downs. The lucky things that happen to me and the unlucky.

I'm 25 and I would say I'm overly successful for guys my age. --
--But success is hollow.



I go through depression just like everyone else. I get so tired and exhausted, starved and deprived that it drains me. Yet, I look great all of the time.
I had a friend who told me that my heart was "very tender." --I would have to agree with him. My heart is hurt a lot of the time. I've become very sensitive with my feelings and I've learned to embrace it. But I don't want to embrace it sometimes.
The truth is...

I feel "invisible."
I think that I'm a mess inside my head even though I try so very hard not to be crazy and cynical and isolated.
I don't believe that anybody accepts me for who I am and everybody is always trying to change me or influence me.
I don't think anybody appreciates me; at least no one tells me they do. I have to earn every piece of appreciation and it's so much hard work.
No one wants ME around--when I'm being me--I rarely get invited to anything and almost no one accepts my invitations.


Instead of acceptance, my world is full of criticism. My world is full of people who just want to take advantage of me. People are greedy around me, and demanding, and worst of all few people trust me when I say I'm going to do anything.




I don't want to live an isolated life.
But I don't want to be taken advantage of, lied to, tricked, or have people push me into being something I don't want to be.
And more often than not, I am forced to choose: isolation or losing myself.

I refuse to give up my sense of self, and for that I am cursed, and days when the high pressure rolls in, and the stress piles up, and I'm not sleeping well--at those times I get depressed and realize that life is bitter-sweet even though it has the potential of being outstandingly sweet. And THAT is what makes me depressed--that it could be perfect if only... if only I were over there and not right here, I would be in perfect alignment--I would see clearly what I want to see.