Remembering Peace

Peace is a very abstract word. It connotes a state of being or a feeling, but from my experiences with other people that feeling is not the same for everyone  (or at least people don't think it is the same).

Several Months ago I decided to go in rebellion against typical holidays. I realized that holidays are actual lengths of time set aside to help you remember things--an interesting concept. During that time period you are expected to engage in some tradition or ritual that embodies what you are supposed to be remembering. Take Thanksgiving: most people's tradition is to gorge out on food in order to remember that at one time food was scarce and you ought to be grateful for that--I find that humorous in a "smack in the face" kind of way to those who really are without food. For many people, Christmas is about worshiping their god's birth, and I thought that was a little odd too because life existed before and after this god was born--shouldn't they be focusing on the mere fact that their god exists at all? (I know of no "holiday" that does this for the christian god)

My rebellion lead me to decide that I needed to make up my own holidays--periods of time where I devoted to remembering certain things. Instead of picking a single day however, I took whole months of time. I would say that for me, devoting just one day to something is often difficult and once that day is over I quickly forget about the thing I set about to remember.
So I set up a Google calendar to shoot me a text message on the first of every month that gave me instructions for what the month was all about and I decided I would devote a whole month to that topic. February is the month of loving unselfishly for instance, March is the month of taking calculated risks, April is the month of Celebrating Life.

If anyone is interested, I can add your email or phone number to my list and you too can receive these texts and commit yourself the way that I am (though I might suggest coming up with your own holidays that mean something to you specifically).

April is the month of Celebrating Life...

I've found two things so far from this month: 1) I'm more protective of life, I planted a garden, I'm more aware of children, I'm more aware of people who have different lifestyles than my own and I still realize that they too have managed to live and survive so far, so something they are doing must be working. 2) I'm realizing that my own life is actually quite wonderful. I have no complaints about my life right now.

Further, I'm happy and I'm at peace. I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday in which I revealed to him one of the mental struggles/blocks I am still trying to resolve--everyone has these, few people share them, sometimes they're really simple and more often than not they are very complex. After speaking to him for a few hours I remembered a few things that I really do believe in and can fall back on that really help me resolve some of my mental block (this is all interrelated): The way my life has played out already cannot be changed. The things that have happened to me, the missed opportunities, the regrets, the ethically confusing situations, the instability when all I wanted was stability, the false notions I operated on, everything anyone has ever done to me, anything I have ever done to myself--It has made me who I am today. I would most definitely be a different person and have different insights and different skill sets and a different perspective on life. And, who knows? I might be happy in that alternative timeline or I might not. Things would just be different. That's all.

This life I'm living is actually quite comfortable. I have found peace. I have found happiness. My needs are being met. I have arrived at a job that I really can't complain about--it stimulates my mind at times and gives me a challenge, it presents me with just the right level of stress to keep me interested and not bored, and best of all, when I walk out of the door at 3pm I don't have to think about my work, I can spend the next 8 hours doing whatever I want to do and sleep for 7 more.
I'm "poor" under many standards, but I'm actually quite rich, and I owe that to my employment. I make enough money to pay a mortgage on my home, I pay all my bills, my car is all paid for, I have high speed internet, a few nice things--whatever I care to have that's nice, I have enough money budgeted every month to go on a nice vacation every year (I could go on a cruise if I had someone to go with!) I have enough money to buy art supplies or camp gear, I have a subscription to movie streaming services, I save a portion of my money and though I wish I could make more just so I could get a few things quicker that I don't already have (a new car for instance) ultimately I have two reasons not to complain about my financial/physical comfort:
1. If I'm interested in getting these things at a quicker rate just to keep up with my friends, well, I'm younger than most people who I compare myself to and, unlike them, my car is paid for and I own a home.
2. My needs, so far, are being met. I'm much better off than Thoreau and I could easily adopt at more Thoreauvian approach and save more of my money.


Socially, I have friends who I speak to regularly and who it is apparent care about me. There is a philosophical exercise in which you imagine who would attend your funeral to gauge your circle of close friends, and I don't think I'm lacking in any way for people to attend my funeral. I have the tools and skillsets to make new friends and I do make new friends on a steady basis. Sure, I have plenty of room for more friends, more colleagues, more associates, but what I have right now is pretty good.

Intellectually I have found a sweet system at the library for finding and reading good books. Things that make me really think. I have a few hobbies that require me to problem solve--my work makes me problem solve, and I have plenty of avenues for exploring knowledge and things I'm curious about.

Lastly, emotionally, I'm "dealing with my own shit." I wouldn't say I have more problems than other people and from where I'm standing I have either the same as everybody else, or I'm delusional and I really have much less baggage than other people. In any case I have the tools I need to work through any of my emotions so I'm pretty happy.

I'm confident, I'm comfortable, I'm happy and I'm at peace. Life is good. Tonight, drinks are on me (if you can find me in person I'll seriously buy you a drink).