Vantage point.

Reading all of the comments on youtube for this video, I don't think it's appropriate for me to share how I feel, so I'm going to post this on the last place people care to look--my blog about being positive and enjoying life.

Well, I DO enjoy life. Every part of it. The ups and the downs. The lucky things that happen to me and the unlucky.

I'm 25 and I would say I'm overly successful for guys my age. --
--But success is hollow.



I go through depression just like everyone else. I get so tired and exhausted, starved and deprived that it drains me. Yet, I look great all of the time.
I had a friend who told me that my heart was "very tender." --I would have to agree with him. My heart is hurt a lot of the time. I've become very sensitive with my feelings and I've learned to embrace it. But I don't want to embrace it sometimes.
The truth is...

I feel "invisible."
I think that I'm a mess inside my head even though I try so very hard not to be crazy and cynical and isolated.
I don't believe that anybody accepts me for who I am and everybody is always trying to change me or influence me.
I don't think anybody appreciates me; at least no one tells me they do. I have to earn every piece of appreciation and it's so much hard work.
No one wants ME around--when I'm being me--I rarely get invited to anything and almost no one accepts my invitations.


Instead of acceptance, my world is full of criticism. My world is full of people who just want to take advantage of me. People are greedy around me, and demanding, and worst of all few people trust me when I say I'm going to do anything.




I don't want to live an isolated life.
But I don't want to be taken advantage of, lied to, tricked, or have people push me into being something I don't want to be.
And more often than not, I am forced to choose: isolation or losing myself.

I refuse to give up my sense of self, and for that I am cursed, and days when the high pressure rolls in, and the stress piles up, and I'm not sleeping well--at those times I get depressed and realize that life is bitter-sweet even though it has the potential of being outstandingly sweet. And THAT is what makes me depressed--that it could be perfect if only... if only I were over there and not right here, I would be in perfect alignment--I would see clearly what I want to see.

My Holidays, My Traditions

I'm not a Buddhist, I'm not a Muslim, I'm not a Christian or a Jew, Pagan, Hindu, and I'm not a fan of celebrating something just because my country or other organization tells me to. But I do believe it's good to have something to celebrate all of the time.


As such, I started living by the things I DO believe in and created my own holidays to celebrate them. My beliefs have something to holiday over every day, as such my holidays are month long events. Some of them push me to be the person I want to be, other urge me to remember the person I am, and other are simply there to remind me of the present.

Each month I receive a text from myself telling me what holiday it is. Here is my list of holidays:

Jan - The Month of Committing
Feb - The Month of Loving Unconditionally
Mar - The Month of Sound Risks
Apr - The Month of Celebrating Life
May - The Month of Respect
Jun - The Month of Indulgence
Jul - The Month of Ideals
Aug - The Month of Returns
Sept - The Month of Reflection
Oct - The Month of Weirding
Nov - The Month of Understanding
Dec - The Month of Giving and Forgiving


Perhaps you would like to join me in celebrating this?

Remembering Peace

Peace is a very abstract word. It connotes a state of being or a feeling, but from my experiences with other people that feeling is not the same for everyone  (or at least people don't think it is the same).

Several Months ago I decided to go in rebellion against typical holidays. I realized that holidays are actual lengths of time set aside to help you remember things--an interesting concept. During that time period you are expected to engage in some tradition or ritual that embodies what you are supposed to be remembering. Take Thanksgiving: most people's tradition is to gorge out on food in order to remember that at one time food was scarce and you ought to be grateful for that--I find that humorous in a "smack in the face" kind of way to those who really are without food. For many people, Christmas is about worshiping their god's birth, and I thought that was a little odd too because life existed before and after this god was born--shouldn't they be focusing on the mere fact that their god exists at all? (I know of no "holiday" that does this for the christian god)

My rebellion lead me to decide that I needed to make up my own holidays--periods of time where I devoted to remembering certain things. Instead of picking a single day however, I took whole months of time. I would say that for me, devoting just one day to something is often difficult and once that day is over I quickly forget about the thing I set about to remember.
So I set up a Google calendar to shoot me a text message on the first of every month that gave me instructions for what the month was all about and I decided I would devote a whole month to that topic. February is the month of loving unselfishly for instance, March is the month of taking calculated risks, April is the month of Celebrating Life.

If anyone is interested, I can add your email or phone number to my list and you too can receive these texts and commit yourself the way that I am (though I might suggest coming up with your own holidays that mean something to you specifically).

April is the month of Celebrating Life...

I've found two things so far from this month: 1) I'm more protective of life, I planted a garden, I'm more aware of children, I'm more aware of people who have different lifestyles than my own and I still realize that they too have managed to live and survive so far, so something they are doing must be working. 2) I'm realizing that my own life is actually quite wonderful. I have no complaints about my life right now.

Further, I'm happy and I'm at peace. I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday in which I revealed to him one of the mental struggles/blocks I am still trying to resolve--everyone has these, few people share them, sometimes they're really simple and more often than not they are very complex. After speaking to him for a few hours I remembered a few things that I really do believe in and can fall back on that really help me resolve some of my mental block (this is all interrelated): The way my life has played out already cannot be changed. The things that have happened to me, the missed opportunities, the regrets, the ethically confusing situations, the instability when all I wanted was stability, the false notions I operated on, everything anyone has ever done to me, anything I have ever done to myself--It has made me who I am today. I would most definitely be a different person and have different insights and different skill sets and a different perspective on life. And, who knows? I might be happy in that alternative timeline or I might not. Things would just be different. That's all.

This life I'm living is actually quite comfortable. I have found peace. I have found happiness. My needs are being met. I have arrived at a job that I really can't complain about--it stimulates my mind at times and gives me a challenge, it presents me with just the right level of stress to keep me interested and not bored, and best of all, when I walk out of the door at 3pm I don't have to think about my work, I can spend the next 8 hours doing whatever I want to do and sleep for 7 more.
I'm "poor" under many standards, but I'm actually quite rich, and I owe that to my employment. I make enough money to pay a mortgage on my home, I pay all my bills, my car is all paid for, I have high speed internet, a few nice things--whatever I care to have that's nice, I have enough money budgeted every month to go on a nice vacation every year (I could go on a cruise if I had someone to go with!) I have enough money to buy art supplies or camp gear, I have a subscription to movie streaming services, I save a portion of my money and though I wish I could make more just so I could get a few things quicker that I don't already have (a new car for instance) ultimately I have two reasons not to complain about my financial/physical comfort:
1. If I'm interested in getting these things at a quicker rate just to keep up with my friends, well, I'm younger than most people who I compare myself to and, unlike them, my car is paid for and I own a home.
2. My needs, so far, are being met. I'm much better off than Thoreau and I could easily adopt at more Thoreauvian approach and save more of my money.


Socially, I have friends who I speak to regularly and who it is apparent care about me. There is a philosophical exercise in which you imagine who would attend your funeral to gauge your circle of close friends, and I don't think I'm lacking in any way for people to attend my funeral. I have the tools and skillsets to make new friends and I do make new friends on a steady basis. Sure, I have plenty of room for more friends, more colleagues, more associates, but what I have right now is pretty good.

Intellectually I have found a sweet system at the library for finding and reading good books. Things that make me really think. I have a few hobbies that require me to problem solve--my work makes me problem solve, and I have plenty of avenues for exploring knowledge and things I'm curious about.

Lastly, emotionally, I'm "dealing with my own shit." I wouldn't say I have more problems than other people and from where I'm standing I have either the same as everybody else, or I'm delusional and I really have much less baggage than other people. In any case I have the tools I need to work through any of my emotions so I'm pretty happy.

I'm confident, I'm comfortable, I'm happy and I'm at peace. Life is good. Tonight, drinks are on me (if you can find me in person I'll seriously buy you a drink).

Power and Weakness

Inner power is the greatest power there is. It stems from knowing yourself and being comfortable with yourself. It is diminished when we try to repress our weaknesses. It is diminished when we reflect negatively or harshly on ourselves. It is limited when we accept the judgments of others about ourselves and when we back away from conflicts.

Gaining inner strength is all about placing and enforcing boundaries on ourselves and others. It is not an aggressive action, nor is it a passive action; It is a firm action. Viewing this life from the lens of power struggles, you can see that the largest portion of conflicts in our life deal with the balance of power. People want to feel that they have power over themselves. They fear the power of others. They strive to gain power so that they can protect themselves and store up a better future for themselves. Yet, the power they seek to obtain isn't beneficial in gaining what they are after.

I have stated several times before that we are the most powerful beings in the universe and I stick to that statement, but in order to tap into that power we need to develop habits that promote self-actualization. Self-actualization is defined differently by different people, but my definition involves connecting with yourself in a way that you see your flaws and your strengths and you are comfortable with them. When you are happy with the progression you are making (and not simply the progression you have made), you have gained self-actualization.

This life requires continual improvement. As I have stated before, “we are always falling.” Life is energy and energy is constantly moving and shifting. It is impossible to remain stagnant because you have to actively choose to be stagnant in order to hold your position and when you do so the world moves around you still. This is why it is important that you continue to seek self-actualization. We all have needs. It would seem that these needs are also falling, for example, physically we get tired and must rest to fill that need or eat to cure hunger.

When we have reached a new level of SA, eventually it will start to drop and we will need to refill that SA once more. This may come when you recognize a new flaw or you discover an emotional pain you have been holding in for many years that you do not take care of immediately. It will cause you to question yourself and doubt yourself and possibly despise yourself, in which case you must obtain a new level of self-actualization if you wish to progress in life.  

New Blog: 3BlindBarren

Hi everybody!

I want to announce a new blog I'm starting in this series, titled 3 Blind Barren. This new blog is about the things that we just accept about life without questioning that may or may not be true.

Journeys

Roughing it  by Mark Twain

I have been on another one of life's journeys and haven't written. Oh how I wish you could observe my life and understand me. How I wish you could be here with me and see the things I have seen.

I have found that it is in the times that I am not writing that the most is happening, and the times that I write are the times when less is happening but I am thinking and contemplating. I go in and out of these phases and that's okay. I come back from these journeys and I have grown, I have learned things.

I look at this circumstance and think: Oh how I wish I could return to my old friends. How I wish I could catch up with them because I know that they too have been on journeys, they have learned, they have grown. But not everyone goes on grand journeys. Some people's journeys aren't long and aren't challenging and they don't grow as much or learn as much or change as much, but they are still journeys and they still change a little.

There is a wealth of knowledge to be found when speaking to someone you don't agree with. But not if you don't speak. You need to really speak to them, approach them with the confidence that they will cause you to change and that you might find things you agree with. You need to be willing to dive deep into what they are saying and ask questions so that you keep up with their line of thinking. You do not need to agree with everything, but you need to try and understand them. This is real speech.

When you aren't really speaking with someone, you are on a slow, uneventful journey. When you are truely speaking to someone, they might even take you on a journey. And when you are out in the world experiencing life, risking life, enjoying life, and developing your relationships, then you are on a hard, eventful journey, and you will learn more than if I told you about my journey.

Christmas-Holiday Songs

What Child is this?
Away in a Manger
Silent Night
Oh Holy Night

When you look at Christmas Music (songs made to represent Christianity and Christ's birth) from a folklore perspective, you immediately classify them as "hero worship" songs--songs that are designed to praise the deeds of a hero, someone who has done something outstanding that affects the lives of others.

But I have a question: Why don't we have more Holiday hero worship songs--sure, we have Santa, but he's not real--the metaphor is real, but the person isn't ACTUALLY real.

Things have changed in my life and I need to find the true meaning of Christmas all over again--to me it will always be "Christmas" but what am I really celebrating?

I think the thing that I'm celebrating on Christmas time is the good deeds of those around me. The charitable acts, the dignity, the respect, the courage of man--these are the things I care about. 

To me, Christmas is a time of year to recommit myself to being a man. It's a time of year to recommit myself to being forgiving and merciful. To be thankful. To love. Christmas is about performing kind deeds and helping others.

This year, I'm going to focus on searching for those people who are honorable, who are courageous, who are capable of putting their own wants and desires aside in order to accommodate others. I have a great respect for those people, even though I don't always recognize or acknowledge them. That's what the true spirit of Christmas is about, and I wish more songs were written about these people and their deeds as opposed to some king born long ago whose affect continues to reach me only because his followers continue to worship him even though he died long before they were born and his kingdom is no longer his own.

USU Makes a Deal

If you live in Logan, UT or Cache Valley...or anywhere near there, I am hosting a fund-raising event for a non-profit organization, Wasatch Social Ventures,  which is the organization responsible for raising funds for the Huntsman SEED program. The fund-raising event is called USU Makes a Deal, and is patterned after the TV show "Let's Make a Deal." We are going to charge $5 for admission (or $8 at the door).

Here is the event page for USU Makes a Deal
https://www.facebook.com/events/117270405089323/

And here is some more information about the SEED program, which sends students to 3rd world countries on a mission to educate people about starting businesses and to extend those people micro-loans to start up their dreams:
http://huntsman.usu.edu/seed/


Tell all your friends for me!

'Analyze this for me'

When people tell you to analyze something, what they're really saying is, "give me your expert opinion."
This is different from "synthesize," which more or less means, "Dig up all the information you can and tell me about everything you find--both good and bad."

Most of the time, when someone asks you a question, they're asking you to analyze something--to use your reasoning skills and come up with your own argument about whatever their question is.

Do you like eggs? --analyze this carefully and tell me if you like eggs. it's your opinion.
Where do you live? --analyze this carefully and tell me where you live.

Who is better, Romney, or Obama? --Again...analyze this carefully and tell me who is better (it's an opinion regardless of how good your argument is).

But what about when they say:

What are some options I could use to solve x? --synthesize all of the possible outcomes and summarize them for me. Don't give me your opinion, but based on what you come up with give me the pros and cons.
What is Obama's stance and Romney's stance on topic z?--Synthesize the two arguments (Obama's argument, and Romney's argument) and summarize them for me. Don't give me your opinion.

Typically, people want your Analysis of information more than your Synthesis--synthesizing something can take way too much time and people want simple answers.

Isn't it amazing that your brain can perform two similar, but vastly different functions when someone asks you a question, even without knowing the distinction between what synthesizing or analyzing is?

1%

Everyone who has ever lived is at least 1% persuadable.

Arguments are all around us--this is the basis of Rhetoric Theory.
People are always taking one side or the other--sometimes they do it knowingly, other times they do it ignorantly, but they always take a side.

Some people appear to be unconvincable. They seem like they will never change their stance on an arugment.

The truth is... no one is 100% firm on their opinions and stances. Everyone can be persuaded one way or another. People who seem to be 100% in behalf of their argument are really only 99%; the argument then becomes a matter of discovering in what way they can be pursuaded and whether the cost-benefit of persuading them is worth it.

Most people who are 99% aren't worth arguing with because people tend to be more firm on trivial matters than important ones, and trivial matters aren't worth arguing over.

The Film Director's Magic

Film Directors have magic powers--everyone knows that. You watch a movie and they talk about "movie magic."

Some directors are better at it than others.

But to be a movie Director means that you have honed your ability to understand human beings. The director's main responsibility is to portray real human beings in unreal circumstances; but to do that, they need to know how humans think, act, react, feel, and express themselves.

Whether sadly or fortunately, the Film Director's "magic abilities" extend to real life: they know better than most people how others around them are going to think, act, react, feel, or express themselves. These others can be friends, loved ones, family, and even enemies.

Few people understand the depth that a film director can perceive--nor do they trust in their experience. But after everything is said and done, it was the film director who chose to take this responsibility. In society, film directors are responsible for making mankind know and understand its biggest strengths and weaknesses: it's people.

Bad People

Even bad people have consciences.

Though we don't know his true motivation, Hitler's motive for killing himself can be narrowed down to a few things:
1. He realized how many people he killed in his quest for global domination
2. He realized he could never achieve the things he wanted to in life
3. He wanted to die for the things he believed in and not be captured like others who came before him (Napoleon)

I find comfort in these three motivations because, 1) shows that even he had a conscious, 2) reinforces that bad people will never succeed, 3) we can rest assured that in order to do such evil things you really do have to give up your life to them, and very few people throughout history have given so much of their lives to one thing so evil so there will be very few incredibly bad people.

Consensus, Competition and Universal Balance

This is a photo of plants competing for sunlight.

I was going to include a picture of the yin and yang, but I think everyone knows what that is, what it symbolizes and what it looks like.

Competition is in the Yin and Yang just like it is in this photo. Universal Balance can be seen in this photo and the Yin and Yang--universal balance is the yin and yang! But where is consensus?

When you observe life, consensus is found in rhetoric. It is found in every tongue of every living being. Consensus is a large part of the glue that holds society together. Consensus is supposed to be a tool created by mankind that achieves universal balance peacefully.

However, the natural world does not use consensus. It doesn't need to. It just competes.
And although the man-made world uses consensus, it often uses consensus to the benefit of one group of individual over another group of individual. The difference is that in the name of consensus the mighty either force the weak to submit to their demands or the weak force the mighty to make sacrifices. The mighty, though never completely hobbled, will still continue to shape the weak in whatever way they want, they will merely be forced to deal with additional setbacks along the way.

Consensus is not the end all of the universe; balance is. Things will happen that are supposed to happen, no matter how hard you try to prevent them or slow them down.
The masters of the universe are those people who are mighty--those who are capable of making sacrifices because those sacrifices won't set them back, and those who are capable of making advantageous deals, because the weak are weak enough to submit to them.

In the end every action has an equal and opposite reaction. You choose this day who you will be in the future . Will you be weak or mighty?

Great Places

The last time I was in Ogden around lunch time I went to a sandwich shop in Riverdale called Honeybaked Ham.--it was AMAZING. I had never been there before and my experience was top notch-- I went there with a coupon for buy one get one free, ordered one meal and one sandwich. The meals include a side and a drink. 
As I was talking with my girlfriend over what side to pick the attendant offered to give me the other one we were deciding between for free. I was happy! Then, while we were eating the attendant was replaced and the new guy talked to us briefly and ALSO offered us a free drink. So I essentially purchased a meal and got a meal for free. To add to the excitement, my girlfriend's punch card filled up and she gets a free sandwich next time...

Some days it won't stop raining.

Horizons

I like the concept of Horizons: they are where the human eye can no longer perceive detail and so the mind blends it all together--but they are as far as the eye can see.
They are also where sky and ground meet in a distinct line. 
There is a lot of distance between here and there--many obstructions and obstacles.
...but there really isn't an end. The earth is circular, so the real "end" is behind you.
There isn't one single horizon for everyone, everyone is in a different position and everyone faces different obstacles in reaching the horizon--some have steep mountains and some have smooth green plains.

Whatever you think is the end is not the end.
The world is bigger than what you see in the distance.
We're all traveling towards our horizons.

Surveys

I like surveys. They not only help other people realize my opinions, but they help me realize a thing or two about myself simply because they force me to think about my opinions...

Please take this questionnaire! :)

Whining

I feel as though I can really appreciate this singer.

Some people whine whenever things go bad. Some people cry when people leave them (Kanye) or when they have to leave people (Fergie). Some singers make a career out of whining (Swift).

Whining doesn't solve anything other than to bond two people together in negativity. It makes the world a worse place.

This song/video is about a girl who gets a "sharp knife" stabbed in her heart by a boy and rather than make an annoying song about how horrible men are or how relationships suck, or how you don't know what you have until you've lost it. She refers back to a classic poem by Tennyson about how sometimes it kills you when your heart is broken. --She doesn't blame anyone. In fact, most people think this song is about dying young.

Sometimes, even though you're saying the same thing, the way you say it can change the entire dynamic and people can respect what you're saying more.

Humans

All people are basically the same.

We're all working to resolve our basic needs: food, water, shelter, sleep, peace, happiness, thrill, intellectual stimulation, feeling a sense of belonging, feeling a sense of importance, finding closure from change and loss, and reframing boredom.

We all have the ability to make decisions, and it isn't just that some people face decisions that others do not get to/have to make, it's that those people have made a certain combination of decisions that opened up the decisions they face today.

Human beings are classified as being capable of abstract reasoning, language, introspection, and problem solving. Is that just a round-about way of saying that we are capable of knowing when we are feeling things and when we are not?

How do you feel right now?

Circle Light

Just some photos I took on my cellphone walking home today.

Notice the perfect circles that tiny gaps between leaves make. Leaves are not circular, nor are the gaps between them, but the way that light bends creates symetrical circles on the concrete below.

I listed the web color value as opposed to the RGB color values (because this is a website). The light around the circular earth (which isn't exactly circular when you realize that mt. Everest is sticking out a couple miles) bends and creates a gradient. One color (near white) becomes dark blue in the atmosphere--which is really clear.

Life is full of perfection
if you could only see what I see.

1...2...

If you follow my other blog: when1falls.blogspot.com then you probably know a little bit about my background and what interests me--and that's everything. Everything interests me. Life is an interesting balance of good and bad, hard work and pay off, and the opportunity to remain positive or negative. 

I'm starting this blog as a follow-up of my other blog. I'll continue to write both.

The purpose of this blog is to emphasize life. I would say my other blog is an attempt to explain various things that I encounter in daily living life, but I think the natural progression of thought is to stop analyzing life and just enjoy it. 

Life comes in good and bad. It has moments of anticipation and the fulfillment of that anticipation. It has surprises and let downs. It has clarity and ambiguity. But at the end of life everything balances out. Tyrants are overthrown, the poor realize how rich they truly are, and individuals realize the power inside of them that they never knew existed.

I want to keep these short and powerful, so don't expect much more than this.